The Kill Shot

Today was the first time I had done sparring for TKD in a very long time. In My absence from my fighting in my base art, I had gone on to pick up an extensive hand striking arsenal as well as grappling knowledge to a significant degree. But I had also developed an extremely nasty habit. Before, I was known as having the fighting style of a charger. I positioned myself at my opponent and walked. Through hits, and kicks....I would slowly make my way to him and fire back with whatever I had, hoping to cause as much damage as possible to see if he went down. Needless to say, I lost almost all my matches by points, even if my opponents grew to respect my power and fighting spirit. Putting it short, I didn't give up no matter how fucked I was for the fight. But since then, I've developed a mean streak. I know my power lies in 2 techniques. My push-kick and my punches. And While I don't necessarily want to hurt my opponents or friends with them, these techniques are fired almost entirely on instinct. Today I put 2 guys down, each using a single punch to the chest. Another I constantly put down with my push-kick and sent another flying. Results for the other fights were varied, though I mostly got away with dominating via aggression. Now, I don't normally regret hitting opponents...but these people were my friends after all and I was seriously worried that I might have had injured them. The coach says that it was my perspective to sparring that was affecting my fights. For the longest time I had been enthralled by the sport of MMA and am a huge fan of finishing fights. And that was the problem. Because of the way I always preferred to see fights finished, whether in grappling or striking, it eventually leaked into my style of fighting, resulting in me always fighting just well enough to look for the kill shot. Now, I have two masters for TKD. They come from different schools and backgrounds. One is more peace-loving and modern. The other is a very traditional man that advocated my way of entering a fight to finish it. The first true lesson I had in TKD was as such : He who attacks first must not stop till the opponent has been stopped or downed. Lest the opponent is given a chance to recover and Counter. I will need to look very carefully into my fighting style, see if I can temper my hunting of Kill Shots....lest I run out of willing sparring partners.

Evil Bastard

It's my turn to be an evil mother fucker again.... I've been allocated the position of chief physical trainer for the Judo team....so now I've been spending my nights planing new training activities and my days trying them out... Either way, I'll stick to my promise...if they wanna train, I'll make sure they get nothing but the best. On that note, I'll be graduating on Friday....and none of my parents will be there. Instead, the next 2 most important women in my life, after my mum, will be going. 1'st would be my darling girlfriend and 2'nd would be my god-mum who has helped shape my adolescent life in so many ways that I could never fully repay her. Oh well...seriously hope I finish early enough that I can still attend training after that and stuffs.

The RMS Titanic

Just caught the recently 3D remastered version of Titanic with le girlfriend.
It was a good way for her to finish off the long vacation, and at the same time, nice for me to patch stuff up with her.

After all, the rough patch we had hit in the week earlier was partially my fault. In that sense though, watching the best romance film -in my book- made me think about my relationship even more.

My girlfriend is a anomaly to most of my friends and parents. To them, she is nothing like me, they find her completely incompatible to my character. However, I still chose to pursue her affections and make the relationship work out.

She is a sentimental girl...and I do love her very much. While I am not going to say that I will ALWAYS love her, or that I am going to marry her...I promised her my heart for as long as the relationship lasts.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

I am glad to have found love in my life...and I will do my utmost to bring love into her life as well.

Notes to self

Thou shall remember your month-sary with the girlfriend, lest you get into constant fights and continue wondering what the hell went wrong! haha.

I Fear...

...inadequacy. I'm scared that I will be judged for my flaws and for what I cannot do.

I often wonder how my peers see me...what they say behind my back. I'm afraid that one day, my darling girl will wake up to find that I am no longer the man that she fell in love with.

I fear that one day...being Me, just isn't good enough anymore. That living life contently is no longer enough.
I was raised a simple child...with simple needs. I just hope life works itself out, cuz for the love of me, I still feel lost.

I am torn between my duty as eldest son, as a boyfriend, a mentor, a student, a friend.

I have so many paths ahead...and I am so lost right now. I just can't figure it out.

I Am...

...back to blogging. If any of my friends stumble across this blog, they know it's me. But here, I am posting my thoughts...just to keep the sanity intact.

Life has changed so much since I entered poly and just decided to live life as it is.

I'm attached now...to a young lady whom I love very much. Though I may sometimes give her a hard time because of my harsh language and apparent lack of empathy...I would never wilfully hurt her.

I've risen up to become one of the most influential members of my school's martial art community. And I've achieved most, if not all my goals that I had set out to accomplish all those years ago.

Now I'm on the verge of embarking on my NS life...but I still find myself, searching for answers...pushing for excellence in some phantom activity whose true meaning I haven't quite discovered.

Life is going on...so this is my story.